The sudden realisation that I’ve been in the UK almost as long as the time I was in Vietnam woke up something in me. I’ve already been 5 years out of my work visa and had my British passport for 4 years. I’ve done significant work on myself, my career, and my life. I’ve come so far from where I came from. The narrative of a struggling international student or immigrant worker doesn’t apply anymore. Even the identity of being an immigrant in the UK doesn’t seem to factor that much in my day-to-day because of the career and financial position I’m in. What still matters regardless of my immigration status and length in the UK is being a woman of colour, but it currently only matters in the context of being in corporate. Outside in the world, I just feel like… a person living in London with two passports. And now I’m asking myself… who am I? What do I want to do now when I can do anything?
In the past year, I’ve leaned into the Director in Financial Services label, putting the identity of a rising career woman front and centre. It’s easy to categorise, celebrate, and market. The title sounds senior enough, the pay crosses a certain mark, which helps remove this chip over my shoulder of feeling behind in my career. While, before this, I would have felt intimidated seeing the Director title, being on the job quickly confirmed I was at the right level and could do more. It’s done wonders for my sense of security and eligibility. I’m glad I got it. But, indeed, the goalpost always moves. After a year, having inhabited the identity long enough, having seen the reality of its trajectory, I realised I no longer cared about either title or moving up. I felt nothing when imagining announcing a promotion, a change in title or employer, or even a raise (It’s not like I could ever disclose how much.) But it would be terribly costly in every way, especially for a woman of colour like me.
I’ve found myself drawn to a different kind of identity and vision: the owner. Not even founder or builder, not squeezing myself into someone else’s system, not being on a journey, but already there, owning, generating, scaling, harvesting, on my own terms. It doesn’t mean that I won’t found or build things, but I won’t romanticise the sacrifices that go with it, and I won’t do it mindlessly. I will use capital if I can. I will be more outcomes-focused, and they won’t be tied to my time and individual outputs but to processes and systems. It’s about working smarter, not harder, however cliché that sounds. It’s about not having to justify the means to an end. There’s no virtue for me in hard work in this new world. In the past, I would quit my corporate job and then quickly jump to either a contract or another corporate gig, trading time for money. Now I see further, and I won’t chase coins; I will use my time where it can generate the highest return in the long run. I will hold out for as long as I can.
After figuring out why I always extended myself so destructively in corporate despite having no constraints anymore, I’m now actively fighting against any form of work that requires struggling more than necessary or without a worthwhile end goal that I can see in sight. I’m not demanding myself to make money at all costs. I’m bored and tired of titles and labels. I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone anymore. This mindset has come from a place of well-being. In the past year, I’ve experienced a physical, and ultimately mental transformation through my fitness and inner work journey. I’ve learned to centre myself, my needs, my experience of life. I’ve gained tremendous confidence and sense of self. I do care about how I show up but only to an extent that doesn’t compromise my authenticity, and I call the current level enough.
One thing I have to stress is that I’ve never been healthier and fitter. It has significantly impacted my big decisions and way of living. When you can find genuine joy in being in your body and mind, savouring slow, ordinary days, it really puts things in perspective. You don’t need more, you don’t want to waste time, you operate from abundance, you can think and stand up for yourself, you feel enough. For the most part, I’m no longer “on a journey”. I’ve arrived, I’ve never been more alive and alert, and every day, every second counts. Turning 32 soon, there’s absolutely no damn way I’d be willingly doing things that require me to struggle, to shrink, to go through the motion, to suppress, to morph into something I don’t align with. I’m calm, but my fighting spirit is stronger than ever. The fire in me burns hot, but this time, not for others and definitely not to destroy me. It's lighting the path ahead.
And this path - It’s not about being a career woman, a 6-figure Director in financial services, a pampered wife to a successful husband, a thriving immigrant woman, a x-figure entrepreneur, and so on. None of them contains me. I’m a multidimensional, imperfect person who understands herself deeply and enjoys continuing to learn about herself, who grows from pain and exposure, who is self-honest, who has proudly secured resources and leverage through extensive internal and external work, and is deploying them to live a life that she feels true to and makes her her best.
All in all, change is coming. It’s like I’ve finally surfaced my head above water, shaken to tears by the sunrise in front of me, and feeling a sense of relief as the blue sky sets in. The outer world has to catch up to the inner self, but I know as long as I can see where I want to be, I can get there. A new era has really begun. How this will shape my world of work, my business, my way of earning money, of being a person in the world… I’m excited to find out.